Saturday, November 12, 2016

Procrastination and Stress

Usually, I start building Saturday's Reading Radar blog post on Monday. It's labor intensive and can take a couple of days if I can't finish it in one sitting. I was rocking the world building for Bespoken and put the task off until Wednesday... and you know what happened then.

My heart hurts.

The reasons are well listed, you only have to open social media to see them. To distract myself, I buried myself in my work, putting off working on the post because every time I logged in I couldn't keep from checking the Twitter and FB feeds. The pain rolling off all the posts took my breath away and I felt helpless to do anything about it. And I hate that. I'm a big sister, built to want to fix things for others and this isn't something I can fix. And it's killing me. I took a lot of long walks with the dogs because the walls were closing in.

Now it's Friday night, an hour before midnight, and I'm staring at the screen trying to dredge up the energy to get the task done. I love doing the Saturday post, but I simply have no energy. Besides Wednesday being craptastic, my best friend is still in the hospital. She was admitted the morning after her last chemo treatment. She has an infection they can't pinpoint. They say that it's the infections that kills people who have cancer. I believe it. But those two aren't the only issues I have with this week. November 12th my father died of cancer. So Saturday's the 2 year anniversary of his death.

I have been fighting so hard not to cry this week and I looked at the calendar tonight and noticed Saturday's date and 'there she blows'. So, no Reading Radar post this weekend. I just can't. I've spent the week putting on a good face, being supportive, and being motivated --if not for my sake then for others. If there is any lesson to be gleaned from this week is that nothing comes easy. And perhaps, when you give up after a battle you've lost the war. But for now, I'm going to put all of that aside. I need a day or two to put my pieces back together and allow myself to morn my dad's passing. Perhaps I'll even throw up some furtive prayers. For Molly, I hope she finds peace in these final months, and I hope she'll be pain free. And maybe another prayer or 100 that Trump will be as impotent as President Eisenhower who spent the last two years of his presidency playing golf everyday because everyone in DC ignored him. Wouldn't that be nice.

I'm giving myself a time limit though. I have to get my act together by Sunday because I need another blog post to kick off the Death Mask blog tour come Monday, November 14th. I have a couple of graphics I want to share that Alicia Nordwell made for me. (I tried to make my own... D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.)

Y'all enjoy your weekend. Do something to relieve stress and I'll see you on Monday. There's some flash fiction coming next week you'll not want to miss.

Oh, and in case you didn't know already. I'm a safe place. I'll be wearing my safety pin.