Tuesday, May 17, 2016

A woman who happens to be bisexual. Hopping for Visibility, Awareness, and Equality #giveaway


Bisexual Visibility ~ Just A Woman Who Happens To Be Bisexual

This is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia. If you live in the US then you might be following the news in relation to the transgender community and public restrooms. I'm not going to talk about that today. I'm sure it will touched upon by more than one person for this hop. Today, I will talk a bit about Biphobia.

I am bisexual and I guess you could say that I'm peeking out of the "closet". My husband knows (he knows everything about me) and I shared this piece of myself with one of my brothers after our dad passed, but really there are very few people I trust with part of myself. My sexuality is not something I discuss lightly because it's deeply personal. And I hate labels and how people react as if they have a right to judge.

I've known I was bisexual since I was fourteen. Well, that's not technically true. I knew I was different, and I didn't mind, but I grew up in a highly religious community where the church encouraged kids to burn books and music that carried the "message of the devil".  I knew I wasn't like others when I impulsively kissed a girl I really liked. Kids. They just jump in and forget to weigh the consequences. I wasn't thinking, and I lost a friend that day. It wasn't until she hurried up and left that I had begun to worry. Would she tell someone else? Would it get spread around school? How would I be treated?

At the time I didn't know there was a name for what I was. Really, there wasn't LGBT anything where I grew up and slurs such as fag and dyke were used often as put-downs and cruel teasing. So I didn't talk about it, and held the knowledge close to my chest because it wasn't anybody's business. Even when I moved north, I stayed closed up. By then, I'd been traumatized (by nothing that had to do with being bisexual) and I'd lost all trust in everyone. I never thought to look for a LGBT organization in my new hometown because I hadn't know that such a thing existed.

When I met my husband, I was considering settling down, and the one thing I always believed was whoever I wanted to spend my life with, there could be no secrets. When I shared this part of myself with him, he didn't care. His reaction was no different than if I'd said I liked coffee better than tea. No one needs to tell me that I'm a lucky girl.

I remember when I began reading male/male romance and came across a book tagged as "gay-for-you" I was confused because the MC was bisexual, but saying so caused a host of commenting about why the MC wasn't really bisexual as if there was something wrong with being bisexual. 

There are all of these myths about bisexuals not being faithful or that we can't make up our mind between being gay or straight. I was once asked if that meant I wanted to have both a man and woman in bed. That is not what being bisexual means. But you're married to a man! So what. I am not a label. I'm a woman who happens to be bisexual. Now that I feel I have overshared, lets look at the giveaway.

~For a Fun Giveaway~

I was trying to figure out what to do for the giveaway that would be fun and I thought that offer up a couple of namings for the next Valespian Pact book, Bespoken. I'm almost finished with Releasing Chaos and the next story slotted for writing is Bespoken.

Depending on how many people leave a comment with your email addy--because really, y'all, secrecy is the word. I will work the character into the Valespian Pact series but all discussions of the actual name will be done on a private forum. 

Right now, I'm offering to allow one commenter to give me one character name and I will go up to three names (one for each winner selected) if there is a lot of participation.

Good Luck! I hope you enjoy the hop! The winners will be selected no later than Sunday, May 22, 2016.

~Other Blogs on the Hop~




Erica Pike (M/M)



























Lexi Ander (M/M, BI, TRANS)




































Thank you for stopping by and reading!!

16 comments:

  1. Thank you for joining the hop!
    Chris

    Also, on a side note: I'm bisexual as well and I HATE the sentence: But you're married! (I will strangle the next one who says that. Seriously) Thank you for telling us about yourself.

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    1. I know, right? I have no idea why it is so hard for people to understand. <3

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    2. OMG, me too! Or an of these other versions: So what, what are you going to do about it, why does it matter. Ugh.

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  2. My husband is also bisexual, it took him more than a year to share this information with me because he was afraid of how I would react. He'd had a relationship of 2 years and still had good memories. Yes I felt uncomfortable, but this was more that I felt I had to compete. And that was definitely not the case. His family doesn't know and never will. Even though the acceptance in the NL is better than in the US. He just feels it's about his personal life and no one else needs to know. I do hope that this HOP will raise more awareness.

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    1. I've only shared with one of my brothers and that was because I was sure of his reaction. My sexuality is very personal and it isn't something I will share with anyone else in the family. I understand your husband when you said no on else needs to know. <3

      And Yah!! Thank for the name above. :)

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  3. Ooh, a fellow escapee of "everything is satanic" religion. A lot of your story could have been mine, except that I wasn't even out to myself (not really) until in my 30s...I just tried to pray away "sinful thoughts."

    Also: I totally hate the gay-for-you trope. No matter how many people say it's not erasing bisexuality, it feels very much like it is when I read it. And you really can't be "gay for" someone anyway--there are plenty of ways to describe "I only ever fell for one same-sex partner." And after all, no one ever says a person who fell for exactly one different-sex partner is "straight for you."

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    1. LOL! By the time I was sixteen I was sure that I would have to sit in the baptismal 24/7 just so I could get to heaven. At seventeen I packed everything I owned into my car and moved north. That was the best and scariest thing I've ever done. :)

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  4. I've known I was bi for a long time, but when I was 15 a friend kissed me that was firmly in the friend zone. It confused her, a lot, when I didn't respond and it made me second guess myself too. But then I met my hubby at 16 and over the years I've lived as 'straight' to other people (that assumption drives me nuts too) but he sure likes it when I point out the hot women to him. ;)

    It seemed like you didn't want the actual name for the character in the book (super excited for another Valespian book!!!) to be mentioned publicly, but I'd love to talk about the character you envision and figure out a perfect alien name for them. (One of my fav parts of writing sci-fi/fantasy)

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    1. Ha ha! My husband does, too, but we definitely have different tastes. It does make for some funny conversations. :)

      Yeeeesssss, I have a couple of characters I'm considering for the cast of Bespoken. Email me at lexi(dot)ander(dot)us(at)gmail(dot)com. I would love to discuss the character with you!!

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  5. Lexi, you always give my heart a happy. Thank you for this sweet, vulnerable post. It's wonderful, and I was deeply touched that you would share something so personal...I'm hoping that someone who has felt that same bi-erasure that you have will see this post and be like---oh hey. I'm not alone. Yep. Definitely gave my heart a happy.
    Cherie Noel, Hop Admin

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    1. Thank you, Cherie. I hope so, too. ((hugs))

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  6. Thanks for being part of the hop.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

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    1. Hop you enjoyed the hop, Sherry!

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  7. Thanks for having the courage to share with us Lexi and help educate others.

    tiger-chick-1(at)hotmail(dot)com

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    1. I'm glad that you stopped by, Emily. :)

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